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When it comes to dropping the deuce, barking one out, dropping the Browns off at the Superbowl, el numero dos (you get the point), we, as a species, tend to be somewhat closeted on the whole affair. In a culture where all things that might be considered “butt stuff” is still largely taboo, it seems our societal blinders have led us down a dark path of poor pooping, and it might just be impacting our health. So it’s time to bring a little light to where the sun don’t shine, hit you with a little back-door knowledge, if you will, with this one little trick that definitely supports dope defecation!

First of all, let’s get this out of the way. YOU are not the problem! You’re not doing anything wrong yourself, but rather the way in which we traditionally position ourselves on the throne after our morning coffee is all wrong. (That is not to say that SOME of the things you do in the bathroom AREN’T wrong…they are, believe me!)

The Standard Stance

Here we have a very lifelike man sitting on the toilet in what we can safely assume is a manner similar to most of us. As you can see, this does not make his rectum a happy camper! Because of the positioning, your puborectalis muscle doesn’t make the connection that you’re on the throne, and therefore chokes off your rectum.

The Standard Stance

This isn’t just going to cause you to spend more time on the pot, pushing, but can lead to serious health issues, such as hernia, inflammatory bowel disease, colon cancer, diverticulosis and hemorrhoids — definitely all things that should be avoided if possible! Which it totally is!

 

Rather than sitting the same old way we’ve been to poop for centuries, scientists and other smartypants people are saying that we should return

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Rectum? Damn Near Killed ‘Em!

This isn’t just going to cause you to spend more time on the pot, pushing, but can lead to serious health issues, such as hernia, inflammatory bowel disease, colon cancer, diverticulosis and hemorrhoids — definitely all things that should be avoided if possible! Which it totally is!

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Squat For Safety!

Rather than sitting the same old way we’ve been to poop for centuries, scientists and other smartypants people are saying that we should return to a more natural positioning, similar to how we would rock a dump in the wilderness, had we not invented the toilet (If this becomes some tie-in to the Paleo Diet or CrossFit, I am out of here!)

 

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Looks Comfortable, Doesn’t It?

According to the above-mentioned science people, specifically those at Stanford University’s Pelvic Floor Clinic, by assuming more of a squatting position, we are able to relax that pesky puborectalis muscle and convince it to stop practicing its backyard wrestling move on Old Man Rectum down there. This allows us an easier bowel movement (henceforth known as BM) and fewer blown blood vessels in the forehead!

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Now That’s Some Crappy Science!

Back in 2003, a study was conducted to evaluate how posture would impact different people’s…um…bathroom experience! Participants were divided into three separate groups, which I can only hope were known as Poop Group’s A, B, and Z (but I doubt they were, scientists are lame!).

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Some Of Man’s Greatest Thoughts Have Come From The Toilet (Pre-Smartphone, Anyway!)

One group used a standard toilet, the next was provided a toilet that was lower to the ground and the final group utilized the squatting method, which was hypothesized to provide the best BMs.

 

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Perfect Pooping Position

The study determined, in what I can only imagine were the world’s most awkward observational situations, that rather than the 90 degree angle of a standard toilet, squatting at 35 degrees is the ideal position for effective, healthy pooping. Additionally, the position really makes wiping a breeze, and nearly eliminates the pesky dingle-berry (don’t ask how I know that!).

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But Wait, What Now!

So once you’ve all unblown your minds, the next question you’ll likely be asking is, “who’s the best plumber to hire to come and rip out my toilet?” That will be followed shortly with, “wait, does this mean I have to rock dumps outside for the rest of my life?!” Never fear friend, that isn’t the case!

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Behold, Our Savior

No, it’s not Toilet Jesus, descending from the heavens to hold your ankles for you (although that would be hella rad!). It’s the Squatty Potty! Not only is it practical but damn if it isn’t fun to say! Try it, I’ll wait..

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Here’s How It Works

Seriously, check out that graphic! No explanation needed on this one, unless you’re illiterate, in which case I’m sorry but you can’t even really read this so maybe just get someone to explain it to you (Toilet Jesus?). In any case, if science is to be believed, this should be the hot-button stocking stuffer this holiday season, because as we all know, everybody poops! Even girls!

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Happy Trails Friend, And Happy Pooping

There you have it everybody, assume this new squatting position and you’ll be as happy pooping as this guy is (despite his poor posture, jeez!). Spread the word, tell your friends, tell the whole world, it’s time we took charge and made number two work for US again. Keep that poop game strong homies, and may your toilet seats never be too cold, nor too warm! (mic drop)

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Main image via DailyHealthPost

Collage image via MostHappy

 

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